2019年8月16日星期五

让自己一个旁观者的角度看待自己

抽离观察。
这种思维方法指的是让自己一个旁观者的角度看待自己,让自己从一个自我沉浸的状态抽离出来。在我们情绪暴躁,烦闷时,试着从一个旁观者的角度,从当前的状态抽离出来。去观察这个情绪是怎么样的?这时的自己是怎么样的,这个情绪是怎么产生的?渐渐地你发现,在观察的过程中,情绪得到了消解,理性得到回归。这用在坏习惯也是一样,比如当我们想要抽烟喝酒吃零食时,试着去观察这个回想这个欲望是怎么产生的?去追述它的根源,一样是在把自己从自我沉浸的状态抽离出来。这时,你发现欲望也得到消解了,你进一步加强掌控自己的能力,而不必做坏习惯的奴隶了。这其中的原理是我们大脑中掌管情绪的部位和掌管理性思考的部位是相互抑制的。当我们在理性思考时,大脑中掌管情绪的区域的活动就会降低。反之,但我们情绪上升时,也是理性思考能力最差的气候。(所以不要在冲动的时候做选择)其实这也是背后心理治疗常用的一种手段,叫做“认知解离”。简单来说就是让我们和内心的情绪保持一定的距离,不要沉浸下去。其本身就有缓解压力,增强自控力的效果。但抽离不单只用在情绪控制上,还可用思考问题,解决问题上。中国有句话,叫“旁观者清,当局者迷”。抽离就是要让我们做一个旁观者。我们有时给别人出主意的时候,显得非常智慧,非常有建设性,但是一轮到自己的事,往往会犯糊涂不知所措。为啥?因为以自我为中心,沉浸在自己感觉时来考虑事情,不容易做出理性有理有据的判断。当你以你朋友的角度去给你的问题提解决方案时,这时说不定理清思路了。抽离实际是一种更深层次的反思。在这个时代我们都忙于赶路,而很少转过头来看看自己。生活中我们也积累了不大不小的情绪,这些情绪都很容易让我们沉浸在其中,回头来发现一天天就这样过去了。这个是讲究自控的时代。我们总受制于情绪和欲望,受制于外物。所以加强自控力显得尤为重要了。自律有别于自控,自律是自我惩罚,而自控是加强心智力量对我进行控制。而抽离本省就不是让你和情绪和欲望斗争,不是让你类似于自律的自我压抑。抽离是对心智力量的加强,使得我们更能“免疫”情绪对我们的影响。注意与我们内心保持一定的距离不是指我们要远离内心,我们只是让原本清醒的自己远离那个慌乱烦躁的自己。如果你想自控,试着从学会自我抽离开始吧。

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